Something different :)

I usually don't think this sentimentally about things but today I was genuinely thinking deeply about things in life and 'Love' was one of those things that popped up. Whenever I think of the idea of love, there's a range of things which cross my mind. Family, friends and of course partners. Being teenagers, we always wonder whether what the future holds for us, especially in terms of love. I'm always rather hesitant when trying to talk with people about this. It may be the immaturity in me, but there are genuine reasons that make me think that romanticism is not all it's cracked up to be. It doesn't mean I don't disbelieve. But how do we explain people who numerously re-marry and claim to be 'in love' each time? In general I'm a firm believer that not everyone has a soulmate and we're just people who find others interesting. The interest builds and this leads into a partnership with them. As ignorant as that sounds, my mind isn't creative enough to imagine a blissful story in which two people are able to confidently ignore the harsh realities of the world and focus on themselves and their love as individuals.

 When I type 'Love' into google, it reads "Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment". This sounds about right....but I wouldn't know. Can't we be attached to people without that strong affection? I want to believe in love, I am a big fan of rom-coms and I love cute cringey moments of people together. Watching people together is always interesting and as I always say, there is a VERY thin line between love and hate and a very small time lapse. I don't know whether it's sad or quite odd that human emotions can become imbalanced in a matter of seconds.

How do you fall out of love? Once you've fallen in, it must be pretty damn deep. In metaphorical terms, I always think of love as being like a giant hole and the stronger your emotions become the more it becomes difficult to climb out. Except in this case, the hole is colourful and bright and full of hope.

How do you explain dating sites? Advertising to find your 'Perfect partner'? I hate the internet for allowing things like this, because I believe 'Love' should be natural if it exists in it's true form. I mean, I shouldn't talk so soon. Many adults use these after their relationships/marriages end but I personally don't agree with them.

The whole point of this random blog post was that my friend got me thinking whether there is actually someone out there for everybody. No two people are the same, but some people are definitely perfect for each other.

Up and up?

 In terms of maturing and developing myself, I have had a rather great 

past two weeks. The two weeks were in great contrast to each other, and 

showed each aspect of my personality well. I always hesitate to use the 

word 'Personality' whilst describing myself because I'm not too sure 

what mine is. I mean I know my interests, hobbies, friends but I'm not 

entirely sure on the true state of mind I have. 

Regardless, I hope it sounds like I'm moving in a positive direction 

by each blog post because that is my main aim. This blog is a startling 

reflection of my confidence levels, which are beginning to emerge 

again after being in the shadows for the past few years. It's weird 

because I'm only 17 yet I always feel much older than I actually am. 

Last week was a week of mistakes for me. Not just one, two or three- 

numerous mistakes which I felt personally persecuted by. It doesn't 

bother me in that someone would get angry at me. The worst feeling 

for someone to have in me is disappointment because I feel that 

too and further feel disappointed in myself. It was also a week 

of great and worse achievement, in terms of personal and academic 

goals. Sometimes I get nervous and stress at small mistakes I've 

made but in making so many I've realised that I just need to 

embrace them and move on. Staying focused on past mistakes 

only keeps you paused in the game of life. 

I'm finally starting to feel like the main person in my life. 

Fair enough, I'm not showy and don't like drawing attention to 

myself but I think I assert myself in the right way. One thing 

I love about myself is that I can change drastically in a few 

hours. Some people think that's strange, but am I living life 

to please them? No I'm not. I only get one go. No re-do. 

I'm thoroughly happy, and only small things stand in the way 

of me being truly happy in life. Those are small things. 

When things aren't going right, I need to try harder. When 

things are going right, I need to be thankful for 

everything fate hands me. 

Because I know one thing could change everything. 

Never been happier :)

This post really doesn't need any other explanation except the title... Just a random update. Mainly cos I have nothing better to write.

So byeeeee (:

Just watching..

I've had a rather odd couple of weeks but I guess things like this strengthen your personality and make you feel much better about yourself. Today I just simply sat for a number of minutes, on my own in the middle of town. 
- Watching people.
-  Everyone. 
-  Looking at their appearance, behaviours and tendencies.  

 People are all so different. It's weird to think that many of these people are often followers and not particularly unique. But when you see them as a singular- you see that they are different in their own right. No two people are the same and they never will be. Well the point I'm trying to make here is that we're all strange and we should certainly embrace this before it's too late. Don't let your decisions be clouded by someone else. Decisions are there for you to make. As someone who is rarely influenced and with an absence of personality, if you also feel like this don't let others create who you are.

Don't under estimate the power people can have on you.

Awareness Day 2012

Although this is not relevant to me atall, today is an important day for some people around the world. The day where they reflect on the lows in their life and how well they have come out of it. Suicide is one of the leading causes in deaths of 14-25 year olds, and more awareness needs to be raised of this. Before you make an insult, remember the effects it could have after.

Taking me for example; You could call someone fat, although they've worked hard and almost lost two stone and dedicate their life to working harder and ultimately being thin. All people want is to be loved. Not hated. Love is simple. Hate is not. If you hate someone, you clearly go out of your way to make their life a misery. 

It's almost the anniversary of  Jamey Rodemyer's death, next week which was something which could have been easily prevented. Bullied for being openly bisexual. Those people who called him names, hurt him and sent him tweets are responsible for his fate. RIP Jamey, much much love <3. Just remember, be thankful for your life.

Be thankful for your health and people around you. 

Of course you are loved.
 

I'm sky high..

Don't ever get complacent with what you have achieved because there is always someone out there who has got more than you.
NOT possession wise, however in terms of self fulfilment and dedication to dedicating themselves to making themselves the best they can be. There is no perfect person. We are all the best individually, unique and no two people are exactly the same. The world would be boring otherwise. If you feel like your life is not worth living, just remember your absence WILL affect at least one person and things do actually get better for people. I'm not talking about suicide (Only partially) but every aspect in life which involves walking away from someone or something that you love. 'Strive to make yourself perfect in your eyes'. If you are happy within yourself and with those around you, you don't need much more in your life.

Surround yourself with people who are important, and value your presence in their life. Whilst that isn't always possible, be as honest and open as possible. If you're like me and you find it difficult to make new friends, don't focus on that. Focusing on negatives within yourself outweigh the positives and you will not feel fulfilled as a person. Regardless of your weight, height, personality, race and sexual orientation, if somebody is a friend they are so. Do not question friendship. A common misconception is that friendship requires friends to know everything about one another. Not true. It may feel like a relief to tell out one of your secrets, but one day those secrets could go public.

'I'd trust you with my life' is something I often see two best friends say to one another. Let's be honest now, you wouldn't trust anyone with your actual physical life, and if you did you'd end up regretting it. Friendship is for now and don't ever feel pressured to fit in and make friends and go against the crowd. Being 'uncool' and going against the majority is what I especially seem to be good at. And it's great. Don't ever feel like you should conform to what people around you want. Even your family. They may say they only 'Want what's best for you'.

Only you truly know you.

And you're perfect, so keep working towards your goals x

Who or what we are..

This is a completely irrelevant blog post to the last but I finally feel like I'm getting to grips with who I am. I have overcome sheer self-hatred of myself, my personality and my body. There have been points where my self confidence has diminished so much I felt invisible and it didn’t help that not many people around me seemed to care. But from this, you grow in character if you are strong enough. This results in gain of confidence. I'll admit I'm not the world's most confident person, but the feeling of self worth is an important quality to have in yourself. Even the tiniest part can be a large help. For some people, it may not be a natural instinct and for others they are able to praise themselves excessively. Extreme cases would include celebrities when their ego is boosted too much. However, back to my initial point. I'm not perfect and never will be but in this past year and especially this summer I have learnt a lot about myself, accepted myself for who I am and what I like-this can be difficult for many people. It can take some longer than others but this is one of the main steps in becoming an adult and having independence of your mind.

I am still regarded as a child by both my friends and family, due to my behaviour and outlook on life. I often like to think that I have a sense of maturity (Like all 17/18 year olds would!) but in reality, I am just still a kid trying to gain life experience and branch out from the familiar and onto something new. I find it difficult adjusting to change, one of my weakest qualities but it's something which has grown on me. Nobody is full of strengths, I assure you. Even your idol- that person you admire everyday and want a similar life to, have their own doubts and characteristics they dislike. You can’t allow yourself to grow/nurture if you were faultless.

If you have a problem don’t just solve the problem and move on with your life, it was there because you learned something from it and was not there to cause an inconvenience in your life. Call it what you like, but I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason and not just because of your own actions. 'The best die young' and 'Bad things happen to good people' are merely clichés used to evade the fact that fate does not come to those who are 'Right' or 'Wrong'.

The world opens you to endless possibilities

Also, what are right actions? In society, we have built up an ideology that you can only be successful through slaving yourself, working for half of your life for almost nothing in return. If you see where I'm coming from, listen to 'The Chronicles of life and Death' by Good Charlotte and listen to the lyrics carefully to see these kind of people. Those 'Live to work' people who don't realise that you only get one shot at life, no re-do. They recognise possessions merely.

Those are people who don't appreciate life and all it has to offer. In our Western society, to be 'Successful' you need to have studied, got a job and had a family or become famous with many fans fawning over your every move. Some achieve this feat and realise that they are not happy and their dream as a reality is indeed a nightmare. However, some people seem to forget that you can have success within yourself. Setting personal goals- small which lead up to the larger picture and ideal are the way to begin. If you're unhappy, find success. Success may not be purely academic; it could be writing, starting a new sport or setting yourself a new target.

These apples may look different, but they are all the same inside.

Success can be in the simplest form. It may be trying a new diet, winning a race or even making new friends- don’t let others define what success is for you.

I have realised that success starts with yourself.